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Hello there!  It’s your girl Esha here.  You’re in the right place if you’re looking for ways to love your self and be unapologetic about it as a black woman.   

Do you feel guilty whenever you get the idea to do something that shows you love your self?  Do others make you feel selfish when you do something loving of yourself?  Yeah, I’ve been there too.  Here’s the thing: you have nothing to feel guilty for and this video reinforces that!  Watch now…

I applaud you sis…

On your unapologetic journey to love your self.  If no one else is supporting you or encouraging you, I do!  And a very gentle reminder to incorporate these things SLOWLY; don’t try to do them all at once.  Even just 1 thing will go a long way!

Here’s what I talked about in de video:

Step 1: Self-Love Hacks

Mirror Affirmations: This is my fave way to start my day with self love.  Looking in the mirror and repeating positive affirmations will remind yourself of your strength, beauty, and worthiness.  You’ll get a boost and be ready to face the day.

Daily Gratitude: I know the rage is to have a gratitude journal, however I implemented daily gratitude by just stopping and saying thank you whenever I thought of something to be grateful for.  This naturally happens at least twice a day for me once it became a habit.  Even if it’s the chair you’re sitting on, be grateful that you have a chair!

Treat Yourself: Set aside time for self-indulgence. Whether it’s a spa day, a favorite dessert, or a shopping spree, prioritize treating yourself regularly.

Step 2: Self-Compassion Exercises

Practice Self-Kindness: As black women, we can be especially hard on ourselves; we’re our own worst critic!  Treat yourself as you would a good friend. When you make a mistake or face a challenge, practice self-compassion by acknowledging what happened and embracing your imperfections with understanding and truly love your self.

Mindfulness Meditation: Don’t click away (lol)!  All mindfulness means is being present and feeling in your body and the moment.  Breathe in and focus on your breath.  Breathe out and let go of self-criticism, allowing self-love to flow in.

Celebrate Your Achievements: Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. As black women, we tend to check it off the list and move on to the next thing, without taking a second to pat ourselves on the back.  Self love thrives when you acknowledge your successes.

Step 3: Setting Boundaries

Identify Your Needs: Think about and really decide what YOU need.  Not your partner, your kids or anyone else.  Just YOU!  What makes you feel comfortable, respected, and valued? Knowing what you really need is the first step in setting boundaries and increasing your self love.

Clear Communication:  This one can be a little tricky for us as black women when it comes time to say what we really need.  We tend to downplay what we need and settle for less.  I encourage you to communicate your boundaries with confidence and clarity. Let others know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.  A helpful trick is to use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs e.g. I need 2-3 evenings a week for you to handle the kids’ homework, clean up after dinner and handle the bedtime/bathtime routine.

Learn to Say No: Saying “no” is an act of self-love. Don’t overcommit or overextend yourself. Prioritize your well-being by setting limits and respecting your own time and energy.  And if you’re already overcommitted, this is a great time to start pulling back.  If I am already committed to something that I am no longer able to do, I will clearly communicate what I am unable to do and if I can, provide a resource to the person I am saying no to.  I got this from the book “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks.


Sis, you deserve all the love and respect in the world, starting with the love you give yourself.  I hope these self-love hacks, self-compassion exercises, and boundary-setting tips will start your self love journey.  Remember, you are unstoppable and your self love is IMPORTANT!

Want more?

If you’re not on our list, you’re missing out on easy tips like this, which are all for busy Black women, like you!  Click here to get on our list.  When you sign up, you’ll get 3 Keys to Living a Life of MORE.  It’s a free, quick video training and checklist designed just for you to get more out of life, no matter what more is.

Thanks for watching and reading!


About Esha:  Esha Herbert-Davis is the Carnivalista in Chief of the Carnivalista Lifestyle.  She’s a travel consultant for professional black women who take care of everyone else and want to put themselves first in spite of society telling them they should be at the bottom of their list.  To learn more and to sign up for her free training, 3 Keys to Living a Life of MORE, visit her website: click here.

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